Change!

Well its been a long while since I have last blogged. I spare all the details but say that I am still sewing, sitting and studying - lots of studying. Lots of change - yet still the same!

August 19th of 2010 I received the precepts as a novice Zen Buddhist priest (Shukke Tokudo) from my teacher Taigu and along with my fellow ordainees at Treeleaf. Since then I have been rather busy with practice-life-training, working along side my friends and fellow novice priests, family stuff and work. All good though.

On the sewing bits I am currently completing a rakusu, and starting another kesa. I intend to complete this rakusu in the next couple of weeks and post a picture or two of it completed.

I have also located some instructions on how to stitch up a koromo and kimono as well I may give that a try after the next kesa.

Here is a pic from after the day of the ordination ceremony taken by my friend using her cell phone, It just turned out it was the only available camera at the time so I had to wait a day to get my hands on a regular digital camera for a few more clearer shots.

This is the next day with wearing the Nyoho-e kesa.

Also Looking forward to an upcoming sesshin in December. It is to take place in Brussels with other members of the Sangha as well as some others. Lots to plan for, lots to do and lots of zazen! I know its some time from now but I am pretty excited for it.

Zagu (bowing mat) was completed a week ago or so. \o/ (that's me with my arms up in celebration fyi).

I decided to do it by hand and follow the Study of the Okesa, Nyoho-e Buddha's Robe book from Tomoe Katagiri. This, in tandem with my teacher, Taigu Turlur's blog have been incalculable help. Anywhootle it was very painless and best off all I learned a very valuable lesson and here is the long way to it: (Scroll down to the short version below if you'd like its okay... I understand)

I bought many metres of black and white material as a very very kind coworker offered to make a back up kimono and koromo for me. I already have a set coming from A very very patient Buddha on this path named Yuko Conniff of Great patience Zen stitchery in L.A and She agreed to sew a winter and summer koromo (Gets cold up here ya know) and a kimono, which should be arriving any day (hehe I swear no more emails, for now :D). that said... I know me and anything meant to stay clean and white or just clean...
So I snipped off a the white part i need for making the Zagu from the material i was purchasing and while waiting to be rung in a kind sales person tried to up-sell me some supplies... I thought meh I'm good...until she said... "do you need thread?, Gutermann is on sale...blah blah... I blanked out while thinking about thread. I did... so off I went and whilst there I found it:

THE ANSWER TO EVERY PROBLEM I EVER ENCOUNTERED
...or the answer to my thread problem....
100metres of heavy duty thread!! this stuff looks like manly rope for pixies or something... AWESOME SAUCE!!!

Got it home... cut my stuff marked measured and ironed. Threaded the new thread into a slightly larger needle as the eye on my ol' trusty was too small. Started sewing and omg ... no matter how long I made the strand it didn't knot up when drawing it through...fast slow. Not that it didn't start too..it just never fully did I could easily right it with a flick of the needle. Not only that the stitches were clean and tight as a slight variance on the stitch was hidden by the the thickness of this thread!!
I brought this up with my good friend Fugen who said...with a smirk i might add "Ya, I already knew that". Added bonus is its heaver and can stand up better to wear and tear... sheeesh wish i would have learned his 1 Rakusu, 2 Kesas and my sanity ago :D

Short version:
Heavier thread saves time and looks good and of course last longer.

anywho here is a bad picture of the Zagu:

The Zagu looks a bit wonky in the photo but its just perspective, the folds and some wrinkles ...seriously...and a bit of wonkiness too I'm sure :). Start to finish including measuring ...this took 8~ 9 hours by hand. Thank you to all of you whom have stitches in this Zagu and the Kesas!!

Shukke Tokudo is less than a week away and though its a ceremony recognizing what already is... I feel honored and a bit nervous...and humbled. Many amazing folk in this life life...some amazingly helpful caring and kind, some amazingly difficult, trying and down right irritating tones in between...all of them teaching me regularly some very important lessons.
To all my teachers, all Buddhas, Thank you. I vow to keep listening and learning from you all.

smack me up side the head if I'm not ;)

Gassho

Aitken Roshi, June 19th, 1917 - August 5th, 2010

For those who haven not yet read or heard, August 5th, Robert Aitken Roshi passed away.

Endless thanks for your teachings.

My deepest sympathy to his family and friends who may suffer with this loss may they find peace.

If any one reads this here please pass on your heart-felt sentiments and kind words of support for his family and friends Here, on his blog.

Deep bows

Kesa again

Here are some "slightly" better pics of the kesa finished up.
I had to remove the daiza from the BOTTOM of the kesa once and switch their respective places once too (after having them fully stitched on of course :)).

Helpful tip- sew with what ever comes, but get your sleep.

Interestingly (to me) this fly in near the front right tie,
and I have been sitting together the last couple of days
and its fitting it dropped in for the pic here.

Finished!
Well, never really finished, but its all together and Im now sewing my Zagu (bowing cloth).Had some ups and downs in the stitches (and they show of course!) and learned plenty in doing so.
Sleep is important, PSTD can be stitched through, impatiences will cause you alot of grief requiring waaaay more patience to complete the task at hand (Daizas kicked my butt a couple of times as I had to remove them and put them on the top :D).
I had intended to keep things up to date as I went but I ended up focusing on the tasks I already had in preparation for the upcoming Shukke Tokudo ceremony. With just over 2 weeks until the the ceremony I have to say I'm glad to find the time to write up a little bit here. I noticed a heck of alot of spam piling up in the comments of my last post some 4 months ago (oops!) so here's a new spot folks, go nuts! :)

Here are some pics through the process to completion:

first two sets together

close up of the stitching this time around

the kagami before marking it up



completed kesa shot with my cell phone (sorry for the quality)

Ill take a new shot of the finished one with the better camera soon.
Anywho thanks for reading I will be updating more often and not always about sewing.

Gassho

Just an all around fool!

April be damned I'm a fool 24/7! Anywho I fell for the idea I could build a panel and after a bunch of sewing... I turned up still just short of enough for a complete and last panel. I spent 3 hours carefully fixing 2 pieces to the large in a Dr. Frankenstein manner. So i dug in to my bag of scraps found a big not chunk...same material wrong colour etc..sticks out like a sore thumb. There. Perfect!

Sewing Time!

May mean some pictures soon as promised earlier on (ooh exciting :D LOL)


Gassho

Close doesn't count...

Nearing the end of cutting (yes... I took my sweet old time cutting very, very slowly and carefully) I could see the end insight last night. I resisted the urge to just start hacking away using another bit as a template.

I stared at the remaining bit of material left to be divvied up among some panels, and after some head scratching I realized there was no way I could get the last panel, in its entirety, out of this last large hunk. How close... my last panel to cut needed to be 36cm wide by 54.5cm...I had... 33cm x 56cm left! lol So close yet So far!! Outcomes again not what I expected or wanted - Ha! but definitely what I needed.

I luckily kept all but slivers of fabric and im going to patchwork my last panel.

Next up its measure, measure again and one more time for good measure - mark and iron.

Sewing will come eventually :)
maybe ill have a pic or two for the next post of some stitches as promised earlier on! (ooooh the suspense! ;D)

Thanks for reading...makes a good sedative.

Gassho

progress...

7 tan, 3 ties, 2 Daiza and 4 Joro cut. lots more to cut. not really worrying about the cuts so much, nor the sewing to come. Sons' first birthday on Thursday is paramount, cutting will probably resume Friday night, a good night! Heh never thought my definition of a good Friday night would ever include being spent sewing...now thats progress!

Time to Cut the Crap!

After much stalling, second guessing and procrastination I finally committed my self to starting kesa #2. This time I decided go with new material after seeking some always helpful advice. (Thank you Taigu!!!)

Now the material had sat for a good 3 weeks with only being washed and ironed out. I debated on cutting it up for some zafu and zabuton but after much mental chatter I decided the material just a tad on the light side for sitting on (lol more stalling?).

I decided then to start the kesa and stop dilly-dallying. So then came the first marks and cutting.... I really never worried like this with the first kesa. I now realized just how important to the end result the first steps were.

I put down the scissors and picked up some books to verify my measure was infact correct (*stalling*) and lo and behold they were the same as before. The new material is supposed to be treated just like rags... So in much the same way i decided to "Cut the Crap" (the material and the stalling) and just get on with it!

And so I did. Carefully. Slowly. Deliberately checking each and every cut down with the scissor.
Throwing caution to the wind (lol) I very carefully cut my first two bits, marked them and set them aside.

Tonight, 2 more bits!

This time around rather than showing the progress in the bigger picture, I will be showing the stitches up close and personal! (gulp)!

Airing Dirty Zen Laundry

So I did my kesa repairs and after a thorough once over I figured it was safe to wash the kesa. I decided to follow the instructions as per Kesa-Kudoku in Gudo Wafu Nishijima Roshi & Chodo Mike Cross translation.

I boiled water and filled the bath tub (cleaned it prior to use) and filled it with the hot water and ashes. submerged the kesa and washed it. I let it sit for a couple of hours. I took the dog out after the first hour and let everyone know to STAY OUT of the main bathroom and use the other. I had set my make shift inscence holder on the side of the tub along with some ground up inscence and such. I say make shift as i used clumping cat litter - unused ;) - to instead of sand as all we have round here is gravel(mud) or clay. and with 4 cats we have an abundance of cat litter!

After giving the pooch a good run Icome back to 2 nervous faces and one 8 month old with a happy, shit eating grin. My wife then informed me that my 3.5 year old girl forgot and opened the door to the off-limits bath in order to brush her teeth and her ever-present speed "scooching" side kick, her brother followed along. He spied the bowl of incense and clumping cat litter sand and dumped the entire contents on top of the Kesa soup.

Now for those in the know that shit is just clay crumbs..when wet, it returns to a clay clump.. great for cat piss, a monumental pain in the ass to get out of cloth or off the floor... if ya have cats... and use this stuff you will know what i mean.

Anwho a few extra hours of cleaning and its drying in front of the fire. Excluding scattering petals...I will follow through the rest of procedure. Fun Sunday activities for sure and a great lesson or 3.

Thats it. My dirty laundry now airing :)

So on sewing I've started cutting out material for another rakusu and getting back in to "the groove" what ever that may be.

Gassho

Why?

Okay!
So there is a pile of rags in a sack in my closet. hrmmmmm where to start. How to take these rags and put them together into usable squares. By fabric type? cotton linen in one pile - denim in another? By colour so I can make some beautiful shape, some art out of an already amazing work? Sort it, move it around re-sort and stuff it back in the bag and go watch some tube. Thats where im at.

Why so hesitant to start? Why so resistant? Why why...! Maybe I really just like sorting?
Anywho cotton or burlap, sorted or not, ready or not - sounds like no better time to start - no time to waste!!

Right after Fringe.

And They're off!

Nothing new from me on the sewing front Yet. I have, as part of my ango commitment, decided to take up the needle again and do some repairs on my kesa. Also i will be sewing another rakusu as a warm up of sorts. (i will post some updates and such here). The rakusu will be a warm up for my next kesa which will be 100% scraps.

IRL has settled some with the dust of construction settling, a new addition to the house and another new addition to the family. So over at Treeleaf folks are reading and studying for Jukai and taking up a needle and thread and its re-invigorated me to get working on that second kesa.

So on additions...I had great expectations for our addition to the house (why not we paid for it? right??!) And similarly i was barely containing my excitement for our other new addition to the family and in both cases was expecting something.

The house addition I expected to be perfect, on time and on budget. I expected to have my part of the work done and we would be enjoying said space in some "christmas card scene" fashion...by the fire sipping... whatever, snow settling down.... Anywho we got what we had envisioned.. quickly and under budget but .... perfect... lol far from it! anyways with out droning on to much thing didn't quite meet the ideas in my head. C'est La Vie! Im correcting what i can and making the most of what we got with out making much of a stink.

On the new family addition excitement for our new pup to arrive and those pleasant thoughts of the kids out in the yard playing with her and rolling around (again expections... lol kids play like kids, puppies like puppies and neither of the two like i want them to :P)
were soon cast a side for the shitty reality that presented itself. Our pup is sick and her life may be cut short. Im sad for her (Though shes on meds and they are working the vet had a glumly outlook for her) Im sad for the our little girl and Im quite sad myself. The pup herself is happy and energetic which makes it even tougher to imagine the possible outcome.

On a more positive note she hasn't had a relapse and a second opinion from a another vet (same vet hospital) was much more positive.

Expectations...I think i will, as part of my ango commitment delete the words expect/no/can't from my vocabulary... er After this post.

I also had expected to be following through on all my Ango commitments i had made to myself and instead just ended up a bit frustrated. Rather then dwelling ive re-stated my ango commitments (not too far out things) and have recommitted to sitting Zazen regularly as it went pretty sideways for a month or so. Healing from the Big V (vasectomy for those, if any weren't sure of my reference) and that is going as expected... ouch!

Scavenging and reading

Nothing too new on the sewing front. I have been gathering material from various places in preparation of eventually sewing another Kesa. I found a beautiful quilt laying in a nook underneath a cement slab from a burned out old farm house parts of it are still brilliant and untouched others are marked with mold spots that are rather permanant. I plan to use bits of this. Besides that I've taken to reading up on the Kesa.

Over the past few days I have been revisiting Kesa Koduka and Den-e. Few things that stuck out to me. Master Dogen wrote quiet impassioned lines about the Kesa and its merits while quite vehemently chastising those who have ignored the merits of the robe. Both chapters were a great read and boy i make sure I don't toss my kesa carelessly on my desk. the one i wear when im naked its getting a more careful treatment too.

Now, each robe and all nine kinds of robes have been received in the authentic transmission from the Buddha-Dharma itself; the robe could never be inferior to a four-line verse, and could never be less effective than a single phrase of Dharma. This is why, for more than two thousand years, all followers of the Buddha—those with the makings of devotional practice and of Dharma practice—have guarded and retained the kaṣāya and regarded it as their body and mind. Those who are ignorant of the right Dharma of the buddhas do not worship the kaṣāya.

...............

The kaṣāya has been called since olden times “the clothing that wards off suffering from heat” and “the clothing of liberation.” In conclusion, its merit is beyond measure. Through the merit of the kaṣāya, a dragon’ scales can be freed from the three kinds of burning pain. When the buddhas realize the truth, they are always wearing this robe. Truly, although we were born in a remote land in [the age of] the latter Dharma, if we have the opportunity to choose between what has been transmitted and what has not been transmitted, we should believe in, receive, guard, and retain [the robe] whose transmission is authentic and traditional. In what lineage have both the robe and the Dharma of Śākyamuni himself been authentically transmitted, as in our authentic tradition? They exist only in Buddhism. On meeting this robe and Dharma, who could be lax in venerating them and serving offerings to them? Even if, each day, we [have to] discard bodies and lives as countless as the sands of the Ganges, we should serve offerings to them. Further, we
should vow to meet [the robe] and humbly to receive it upon the head in every life in every age. We are the stupid people of a remote quarter, born with a hundred thousand or so miles of mountains and oceans separating us from the land of the Buddha’s birth. Even so, if we hear this right Dharma, if we receive and retain this kaṣāya even for a single day or a single night, and if we master even a single phrase or a single verse, that will not only be the good fortune to have served offerings to one buddha or to two buddhas: it will be the good fortune to have served offerings and paid homage to countless hundred thousand koṭis of buddhas. Even if [the servants] are ourselves, we should respect them, we should love them, and we should value them.

both of those are from Den-e. which is what im currently reading.

Anywho just writing I found interesting. Nothing very smart to say.

Gassho

Now what?

So almost a month from my last post and i finally got off my ass and started and finished my Kesa bag. Its not to any spec, I winged it really, much the same as i did for my Rakusu bag but i remembered not to add a button and button hole. I have a couple of pics of the finished product. the whole thing took 6 hours from measure to taking the pics below. I wrote on the inside of the bag the robe verse and my dharma name in a very sloppy kanji (So when i lose it i will be able to identify if it ever turned up again). Again not to spec but its more for function then fashion and having the verse there is a help for this newb. The material again is leftover from the kesa and the lining is a very old and scary pillow case. Nice hole right there too, perfectly imperfect. lol

Front

click image for larger view

Back

click image for larger view

I have been wearing the new kesa every night and so far its brought me no mystical powers but it makes going to sit zazen a tiny bit longer process. When i wear this kesa it always think of the story about Shakyamuni Buddha and Ananda and how the kesa came to be. It always makes me smile a silly grin.

I owe a huge thank you again to Taigu for taking the time and having patience to show me how to put it on and for giving it to me. Deep bows.

Next up a 9 stripe kesa. Im going to take what I have learned and put it into practice with the next Kesa. No set start date yet.

Gassho

Tout Finis!

That was fast?
Well I'm pretty sure 6 months is a tad long.
I quit late last night with 2 sides of the en to finish. My family packed up and went for a visit leaving me with some free time so I decided to finish the kesa before Zazen tonight.

Its not "pretty", it may not even be correct or stay together... but here are some pictures.

April Fools!!!

C'ept this time no fooling! (apparently im too late to do so)

So its been awhile since I've taken up sewing. The week after my previous post we added a bouncing baby boy to our family, 2 weeks early according to schedule but of course he arrived perfectly on time!

That said progress ground to a halt and though I thought I would be able to sneak time in our other little one (3 years) needed a bit more attention than usual and she certainly deserved it. So ... stitching took a back seat to family. A very deep practice indeed!

Sitting 2 nights ago, the thought of getting back to work on the Kesa kept popping in there. Better get going. And I did. The en is all on and I'm just making the remaining stitches around the middle of the en. I also measured and ironed out the Joro and Daiza, ironed and stitched the ties. Tonight I am thinking I will be able to finish the stitches on the en and get the button holes stitched and cut in the Daiza.

Now I must say The en was tricky. Because the panels had quite a bit of difference between them I had to measure and cut off the excess (which meant rip some stitches, tie them off and then finish the rest). Some panels were just a tad shy of 4 cm needed to do the en the way I read to. I decided to work in a reverse order and i cut my en to be 4 cm folded so that there was material on both sides of the Kesa. This way it "hid" the imperfections and allows me to put a backing on it. This is going to be my winter Kesa - I plan to sew another very soon with all light weight material I can round up.

Welp off to sit then sew!

Oh um pics will be posted later tonight after i get some of the mess of the poor rags... cats like a folded basket of material :(

Oh no!! The "En" times are here!!

Okay the panels are all together and things are looking good. I'm going to now go about marking, ironing and tying on the en (the frame). This is exciting (wow, I must need to get out more :P), and a bit scary. I plan to proceed as carefully as possible with out over doing it. I have a couple of questions coming to mind on the placement of the 2 larger squares that anchor the ties. I haven't found any suggested distances but by looking at diagrams I think I can make do with out exact measure.

I took a pic again with my poor cell phone cam that is great in perfect light, lamp light in my living room at 12 am* is far from perfect and I am balanced on a chair so I could get far up and back from the project to get it all in frame. My apologies for the quality, but it gives you an idea of where I am at.

*Actually I looked at the pic below and decided to go for another shot today in daylight. Normally I would be at work but I have been taken out by a whooper of a sinus/throat/chest cold thing that seems to be rampant around these parts.

Click the pic for a larger view.

Taking shape

I stitched on more set to the left side of the kesa, leaving one left! At this point things are moving much slower than previous. The size of the kesa makes it a tad difficult to manage on the small work table I have been using.

Last nights endeavour took about 2 hours to measure, mark out, iron folds, and finally stitch the last panel. The actual sewing was only about 20 -30 mins the rest was preparation and adjustments.

I will finish sewing the last panel on Saturday and begin marking and ironing out the en, and starting to attach it!

On Rev. Taigu's Blog, he mentioned that the shape of the kesa, once all panels were together, should be neat and square - but usually didnt work out so. Im glad I read that becase laying mine out there is minor 2 to 2.5cm variation on the panels at the top (surprisingly the bottom is not that bad).

No pictures this time, but there will be an update again soon with one.

Birthday fun!

Thursday was my 33rd birthday and I had great intentions of getting an evening of sewing in. Early into the day we had quite a storm start and dump quite a bit of snow. Arriving home, i found my neighbor across the road digging out his car which got stuck half way in to his drive way.
The tail end was still out on the road.

I grabbed my shovel and headed over well about an hour later his car was freed and while we chatted over our victory, another fellow who lived up the road from us walked towards us, he had his car swamped. So we headed to that fellows place and tried to free up his car with little luck.

Determined, we piled into the car (the one we had managed to free) and drove up the road looking for someone with a truck to give us a hand. We found a fellow in the end and as it ended up he lived 3 houses up from me, and i grew up with the guy! Small world. He kindly helped us, help the other guy out and I got to return home nearing 10 pm, just in time to dig my self out so i could get to work the next day( yeah my car got stuck in a drift as i parked it).

Glad I took a step out and offer a hand to some one, really is the a great gift to non-get!

On a sewing front I finished the right side of the Kesa and finished attaching one panel flanking left. Thats 5 down, 2 to go!

I have a pic but its a poorly lit, cell phone shot (our other camera is MIA presumably at the inlaws), it gets the point across.

click pic for full view

3 of 7

Just a quick progress update - 2 strips sewn on the right side of the center.

click pic for full view